Invisible Awareness

snow from last night

Knowing that it’s Invisible Awareness Day, why not make yourself known about a condition of someone you know who is suffering from an illness that is not seen just by looking at them.  This applies to many illnesses, not only my own, my sister, family, and close friends, but many other illnesses as well.  If you think you already know what there is, look it up any way.  I bet you will learn something new, if not have a better outlook on what it is like for them on a day to day basis.

I have not been chatting much with people bc I haven’t been well.  If I don’t get back right away, I will be hoping tomorrow after grocery shopping to read all the emails on here, Facebook, and Hotmail to catch up.

I thought it would be a nice idea to go down to a local place that sells used movies, games, systems, etc. and get a Wii.  I would never buy a game console that allows me to sit for hours upon hours on my ass, so I thought this would be the perfect one.

I took the bus by myself.  I got off the bus and it was basically right across the street.  Unfortunately, it was a five block walk to the bus depot to get back home, all uphill.  Normally this would be nothing, but it hit me so badly this time, I was shaking like crazy and couldn’t get my body to calm down even once I was sitting.  So instead of resting like I should have been, I over did it and can now barely function.  Just trying to sleep it off as much as I can.  For games, which I have yet to try, it came with Fit and Resort.  And I got two dancing games and a movie, Drag Me To Hell.  Crazy cheap prices there.  I spent way less then I thought I was going to have to too just for the game console, and I got two free games with it!  Will be fun to try!

Just want to remind everyone of the Awareness Day, and now I’m back to zzzzz’s.

Ash,

I Am Slowly Going Crazy

pretty flowers from my Grams

I’m a pretty positive person.  I try to look at bad days as only temporary and remind myself that the next day will only get better.  This week is definitely putting that statement for a ride!  Every day I wake up to feeling more and more terrible than I did the day before.  My highlight from today… being able to finally have a damn shower!  Mind you my hair didn’t get washed, but my body isn’t smelly! lol.

I am getting a bunch of cleaning stuff when I go grocery shopping at the end of this week so I can do the big overhaul cleaning of the apartment.  It kills me to do it, but I keep noticing more and more stuff on walls that needs to be wiped down… like black fingerprints on the door from when I do crossword books LOL.  I think the only reason I feel antsy to do it though, is bc I don’t feel well enough to actually do it!  That or I’d feel like I’m turning into the female version of my dad who’d follow you around with a broom and paper towel just in case any dirt came off you lol.  Jk jk!

Zeus misbehaving!

My goal, since I will be impatient as shit during April to want to garden, was to save the big cleaning until then.  So it would keep me busy and keep my hands out of the plants, but depending on how I feel, I might start early.

I am also thinking of chopping off a big chunk of my hair.  Canada won’t take my hair for cancer patients bc it’s dyed.  The States accepts dyed hair, but not out of the country hair… so this growing has been for a waste!  When I wash my hair, it takes me a good twenty minutes or more to brush it after.  I have to go through sections in order to keep my brush from being sucked into the rats nest… and since I break brushes on a regular basis, I think it would be nice for a change.

one of the scarves to sell

I keep getting these headaches in my eyes that I used to get when I was on Effexor.  I only ever got it, when I was late or missed a dose.  So the other day I woke up really early, so I didn’t take my new medicine early, and waited… aka forgot.  Today I wake up crazy early again and the same thing!  Went to take my nightly med.s and realized I totally forgot to take the morning one again!

My stomach is acting like I have been drinking coffee on an empty stomach times a hundred.  I can’t wait to get the testing done on the 13th of this month so I can finally get something done about this pain… hopefully!

My landlord came by today and got my tax info. for me.  He’s so nice to do mine for free!  And my counselor Susan came over too for a bit to catch up.  Was a much needed session (now realizing bc I missed my damn med.s No wonder I’m so loopy)

I feel at any moment I’m either going to burst into tears for no reason, or start laughing uncontrollably… I really need to take my med.s tomorrow morning lol.

Ash,

Do You Hoard?

Not sure if I even spelt that right.  Apparently, I can’t spell spelt either bc it keeps coming up wrong!

Watching Anderson tonight, they were talking about hoarders.  How they try to help the client determine whether they should keep something, is only keeping it if they LOVE it.  For whatever reason, the items in your home, should only be ones you love.

I started looking around my own place, bc I consider myself an anti hoarder.  I’m the type that throws things away almost immediately after I stop using it, then six months down the road, I wish I still had it.  I always try every six months or so too, to go through all of my packed up belongings, and donate whatever I know I won’t use, or don’t like, or don’t have any use for.  Though I cannot say I LOVE everything I have.  There are a few I own, that I was always dieing to have if I ever found, but I was usually too cheap to buy new, and then found later at a second hand store, or was given them as a gift.

This mug holder, I got used at Value Village.  I had always wanted one… not sure why, but I loved the look of them (still do!) but wasn’t willing to buy a whole new set of mugs just to get the stand.  So I found the stand by itself at my mom’s work, and snatched it up asap!

I know this thing seems completely silly, but I love having one of these!  I love when I’m cooking, having my big utensils in a little container like this right on the counter, easy to grab by the stove, then having to rustle through some junk drawer trying to find the thing I need.  This one was either my mom’s, or my Grams, who gave it to me.  As you can see, I really could use a second, but I’m holding back lol.

Another totally silly, unnecessary item for the kitchen. I LOVE this.  I had been looking for one, for years, and finally found this one at the Dollar Store!  The fact that I got it there, makes this spoon holding a million times cooler to me lol.  I detest dirty soup spoons, or used coffee spoons sitting on the counter.  It looks bad, and I don’t want to be constantly wiping down my counter space, so this is totally useful for me, and get used numerous times daily!

This picture shows a few things in one I love in the kitchen.  Once I got cooking more and buying cook books, and making up my own little recipe books, and cards, I wanted to get a small shelf like this to have those things neat.  Don’t get me wrong, the junk drawer does exist, and it is filled to the hilt with things, but certain items, I like to be able to get at quickly, and recipes are definitely one.  So that, and my little recipe box sitting on the top were always something I wanted to have.  As well as a fruit basket.  Don’t ask me why.  I don’t understand it.  I just loved the look of fresh fruit, but quickly came to realize when I first moved out on my own, that all the damn fruit goes bad too quickly left out of the fridge before I could eat it.  So I went to JYSK when they had a sale, and bought some fake lemons and apples lol.  The real ones are now always in the crisper.

So I suppose when it comes down to it.  All the idle decorative stuff around my apartment, I absolutely adore and love.  Just other things, like my desk for example I do not LOVE, but it serves a useful purpose so it stays.  The idea of hoarding sends shivers down my spine.  It freaks me out even being a pack rat and that’s nothing! I have too much crap as it is, and have barely any space for anything new.  The last thing I need is to be adding unneeded crap to the bunch!

Ash,

December 20, 2012 – Wed. Extra

I notice on a lot of other blogs, people doing wordless Wednesday.  Starting next week, I will be doing the same.  That way I can still share some of my favorite photos from the week.  Since I posted a quick entry this morning, I am going to post pictures now from when Amanda, Nick and I did Christmas decorations.  I will also post some nice candle holders Amanda and Nick got me for my birthday, and a pretty glove/Christmas ornament that my PSW Lilian gave me today

red and blue candle holders

tea light candle holder

 

Take Care and have a Merry Christmas… as long as we make it through Friday that is hehe.

Ash,

July 21, 2012 – Seeds A Plenty!

My great friend Nicole, sent me some DVDs of TV shows, and she put some lemon balm in there for me too! Seeds I mean lol. It did not seem to be very hard to grow, other than putting it in a pot, under a small layer of planting soil. So I am starting that indoors now too! It’s supposed to have a nice fragrant smell, so nothing wrong with that! My sweet basil is NOT growing. So I started again last night. My parsley on the other hand is growing great so far! I planted in 6 seed pods, and all of them are popping up. I definitely don’t need that many plants, so I am giving some to my sister and nephew to grow in their new apartment since they like using fresh herbs to cook with as well. Mom’s party was a hit, and I have only brought one out of the four chairs back as of yet lol. It was dreadfully hot from the humidity, and then twenty some people packed onto the main floor. I helped with some of the salads, chopping veggies, etc. and got to take some home too! Yum! My mom’s birthday went well too. Amanda, Nick and I came up for the day, and she liked her gift I got her. She wants to keep the bicycle planter inside now bc she’s afraid someone will steal it lol. I must remember next time I am visiting, to take a picture of her garden she finished at her back yard area. She hasn’t finished the one up front yet bc she has a bunch of plants to move too. Nothing new besides the indoor planting here. I went out and watered tonight and planted the iris the other night. The tiger lilies are all done flowering for the year. Same with the Astra, but the hostas with lilies are going strong, as are the hyacinths. Ash,

July 16, 2012 – More Goodies

I am not sure if I mentioned in my last post, but I went out back along the fence line and planted a bunch of extra seeds I had left over next to the tiger lilies, and a couple packages of sunflowers. Obviously I did something wrong, bc none grew LOL. But one lonely little sunflower is popping up where I did NOT plant any! It’s going to get tangled in the trees, and I’d move it, but knowing me, I’d kill it in the process lol. Went to the dollar store with my mom yesterday and got a cute bird feeder and some food. I snuck around and saw a bunch of robins and blackbirds eating out of it . I also got a couple ceramic pots for my sweet basil and parsley, but I was reading about it, and everywhere said to put a bag over the pots to create the greenhouse like affect, so I just put them in my little seed trays and am growing them there to start since they come with a green house top. My zebrinas, passion flowers, and gaillardias are doing well in their pots, minus a run in with my local squirrel babies who decided to go rooting in the one pot and flung dirt everywhere! Hopefully now they’ve realized there’s no goodies in there for them! Today my mom is having her staff come to her house for a dinner, and asked me to come with some of my lawn chairs and help entertain… free dinner! So as I was looking at what would be the most comfy and cleanest and I noticed a HUGE spider on my deck making a big web between the back half rails of my deck! So I got a huge watering can and soaked his web down and then smooshed him with the can LOL. I hate spiders! Ew! Tomorrow is my mom’s birthday, so I will be going up there again in the evening to give her, her gift. I got her a rot iron bicycle planter. It’s really cute, and will look good in her newly done up garden out back . She is also giving me her iris because it doesn’t bloom for very long! LOVE getting free plants! hehe. Ash,

Summer is Coming NOOO!

I was just reading a bunch of posts online to do with music.  Not going to get into specifics, but OMG people are so dramatic about it!  I love music, and I couldn’t believe in a world without it, but people get some damn argumentative about it, when realistically IT’S JUST MUSIC!  Yeah it’s awesome, but we’re all different, so calm down if someone else’ opinion is different than your own!  Dumb asses…

So nothing has gone on doctor wise this week.  I still haven’t heard from the Cardiologist.  I don’t know why, but when it comes to phoning people like, doctors, bill places, basically anyone but friends and family, I’m TERRIBLE for putting it off.  I’m a huge procrastinator!

I am liking this Spring weather, bc I can open my windows more, and it’s still cold at night time… still using two comforters and a heating bag to stay warm lol.  The insulation in the bedroom stinks!  But I notice the warmer it gets, my Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome gets worse and worse.

I was hoping these new pills I’m on would help with nausea, but so far no luck.  I usually only get it really bad around 8pm or later, but lately I’ve been getting it in the afternoon too.  It’s sickening to try to live every day life when you constantly feel like you’re going to yack.

In the last month or so I have been on most days able to make myself one day a meal, instead of going a couple days at a time without eating at all.  Whenever I am not having proper meals daily, I gain weight like crazy!  This time being so sick for so long, I gained a LOT for me.  When you’re not well to begin with, the extra weight doesn’t help.  So now that I am able to do a meal a day usually, I have been losing weight!  Slowly before I was anyway, but in this last month alone, I’ve lost 10lbs!  Feeling good about yourself and getting that extra baggage off you that you’re carrying around definitely is easier to deal with!

I just finished Dean Koontz, Your Heart Belongs to Me.  OMG!  It’s my grandma’s book, that she and my sister both read, and I just finished it and absolutely love it!!!  I think he’s a great writer to begin with, but this book is a story line unlike ANY I’ve read before.  I’d recommend it to everyone it’s great!  I’m now reading a Jane Austen book, of course the name I forget.  She was writing it when she died, so it’s not fully completed by her, but by some publishing company.

Anyway, hoping to get up to my mom’s today and visit.  Hope you all have a great weekend! *hugs*

Ash,

PS  The M & M’s Meat Shop is doing their yearly Crohn’s Disease BBQ on May 7!!!  TONS of yummy food for real cheap, and helps an amazing cause!  Last year they even had rock climbing

Brain Fog Crazy!

Meant to bring my camera with me today.  I got the keys for my apartment yesterday, so mom, grams, Amanda, Nick and I went up for them to see it.  Love taking before shots before anything is in it, and then after once I have it all decorated.  I think which means I don’t know for sure still, but I think I’m moving sometime this coming week.  It’s hard not knowing when exactly bc I don’t know how much I should pack of the stuff I have left out!

Mom came back this afternoon with me, and helped me pack up and garbage more stuff.  I made her take the Scooby garbage can I had so I didn’t have to deal with it lol.  Nick will love it at least :-p

My dad and step mom, Lois, came over this morning.  He brought me roses for Valentines Day like he does every year nice since I’ve NEVER had a guy buy me flowers!  Even the douche whom I spent last Valentines Day didn’t…. douche! LOL.  Since they just got back on their yearly trip to Arizona (I know, wouldn’t that be nice huh?) he always brings back something little for us, and this year I got a calendar on a bunch of cactus’ …. I actually do like them weirdly enough so it’s fitting lol.

They came down to move the mattress from my Grams old bed to my mom’s bc I’m using my futon again (yay! lol) and he kept freaking out I was pushing it too much.  I go to get them a screwdriver and he ran after me so I wouldn’t have to lol.  Not quite THAT bad thankfully!  But it’s really sweet how he doesn’t question how terribly I’m doing.  I wasn’t feeling good at all this morning, and I was crouched inside my bedroom door talking to them as they were taking the frame apart, and my eyes just rolled back and I fell on my butt lol.  Didn’t fully faint though!  I think I’ve freaked them both out about it even more though, bc then they set up my futon frame for me, and made my bed (lol too cute) and then made me stay sitting until they were out of eye shot and then I got up and started moving stuff around again lol.

Sad thing was, when he handed me the roses, I thought, “Oh that’s sweet, a moving present.”  Not even realizing until I saw my sister’s facebook status, that it was for Valentines… bc I didn’t realize it was on Monday!  I’d make a horrible wife! lol.

After I barely moved my head and pulled a muscle in my neck, I decided to take a 20kg bag of cat litter and lift it with my back instead of my crap knees… bc my knees are crap… and then I pulled a muscle in my back.  I was in a lot of pain and was happy to take med.s that happily didn’t want to work!  So every time I’d lift something I’d keel over in pain.  So after a day of not actually resting, but trying to trick myself into thinking I was, I was in bed and got restlessness in my legs so I did some weird bending thing with my leg underneath me (don’t ask this helps) and instead of getting rid of it… I pulled a muscle in my calf! lol.  I got up bc my legs were going nuts and I fell over bc of the pulled muscle and just sat there and the floor shaking my head laughing trying to get my ass up off the floor.

Alright, will write again next week.  I can’t WAIT to go to the dentist!!!  No I’m lying I’m completely freaked out and am in complete denial that this appointment is coming up… until I actually have to go!

Ash,

PS New page on fighting the flu

ZzzzZZZZzzzzz

I cannot believe how pooped out I am today!  I am literally dragging my butt everywhere it seems lol.

 

Zeus is more than ready to move too I think!

I’ve been dealing with ODSP (Ontario Disability) getting all the proper information to them about the move for March 1st.  I was very stressed before not knowing if they would fund movers for me or not.  You’re allotted so much money for moving every two years, but they’re so picky about the prices for things, I didn’t know if they’d approve anything I sent them.  Thankfully thanks to my social service worker, Susan, I now have movers through the housing department at her work, who are doing this for me for free!  I couldn’t believe they offered to do this for me.  Not only that, but they will help clean up this apartment once I’m all moved out.

Like I mentioned before, I had been feeling pretty good and getting things packed.  Amanda and Nick came over and she packed like six boxes of movies and books, and bags and bags of clothes, coats, bedding, etc.  I felt horrible, but after they left I packed about four more boxes!  Now I am spent.  I feel like complete garbage and have nothing left of me now.

Susan’s student Aariha … I think it is, came by yesterday and ran me over to the dentist to sign some forms for them to get a hold of my cardiologist, and I got  home and could barely sit up to eat my lunch.  I think my Crohn’s is giving me a bit of a kick and that’s why I’m feeling a little worse for wear.  Indigestion and more pain than usual in my stomach, and lots of back and knee pain too along with the chest and heart palpitations.  So much for thinking for 3 whole days that Bisoprolol is working lol.  The medicine from my G.I.’s is definitely working bc it was no where near as bad as it normally gets, but definitely did affect me.

I will most definitely be moving before March 1st.  They’re basically waiting, bc the owner is redoing the bathroom floor, and putting in new washers and dryers in the building, and then I can move whenever I want!  Which I think is a great thing now, bc my sister found mold growing outside my apartment in the hallway!  Disgusting!  No wonder I’ve felt so badly since living here!

The other night (I found this pretty amusing) the drunk guy, who I have to be honest, I thought had turrets LOL not a funny thing to have, but funny I thought this, when in reality it’s just his drunken slur.  Anyway, he was out in the hallway around 3am.  I had woken up around 1am and couldn’t sleep so I was watching Iron Man.  I went to the peep hole at my door and saw him swaying all over the place half making crying noises, half angry noises and he was banging on a door to get it… this is the same apartment who set a turkey on fire, evacuating the entire building, but they refused to come out of their apartment until the fire department made them lol.  This is also the same man who was banging on the laundry room door to get in a week before instead of his own apartment!  I didn’t think anything of it, and I just ignored him and went back to my movie.  I hear him go outside and bc my bathroom light was on from when I got up, he started smashing it!!!  Not an easy window to get at either, bc it’s partially under ground, so he had to literally get on his hands and knees and lean in, and punched it like a wild man!  I grabbed the phone bc I was afraid I’d have to call the cops, but he soon stopped and came back in and passed out on the floor outside his apartment crying lol.

Besides all that craziness, things are going great!  I just need my health to give me a little nice boost of energy to keep going until this move is over.

I go to the dentist next week for my cavities and teeth cleaning EEEEEKKKK!  And then to my family doctor.  Then next month, I see the Neurologist/ Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome specialist!!!!!  I can’t wait to work with him!  I will also at some point in February be seeing my Cardiologist.  I heard from his secretary yesterday and I am good to go with the dentist without any worries.

Take Care

Ash,

 

I’m Moving!

I finally got all the Christmas photos from everyone, but my sis so I can show some on here!

Great news though!  I went to look at the apartment I’d been waiting to see, and it’s so nice!  Flat gray carpet in the living room, old hardwood floors in the bedroom, and tile everywhere else.  There’s two big windows in the front, and one in the bedroom.  VERY small, but enough room for everything I’m keeping.  The only difference will be I’m taking my love seat, instead of the couch.

The kitchen in bigger than the one I have now, so tons of room to roll around in my walker or wheel chair.  There’s no dining room, but room in the living room to the side for my table still.  I will have to get a coat rack bc there’s no closet when you first come in.

Off the bedroom, there is a big walk in closet which will be great for storage too, and the bathroom has shelving for my towels, etc. plus another shelving area for my toiletries, etc.  The walk in shower is actually a really nice big one, so there’s definitely room for my shower chair in there.  It sucks there’s no bath, but I don’t mind since POTS makes it hard to take baths anyway.

In the front yard there’s flower beds with trees and plants, plus room for me to set out a little tables and my lawn chairs.  None of the other apartments are back there either, so it works out.  Plus now there probably is a laundry room right off my apartment.  I just have to walk around back to get to it which isn’t far.  It’s less than a half a block to the nearest bus stop, which is actually the bus I take from my place here, so I know the times.  Garbage is the same day, I just have to pay for my tags, which is cool for the little amount of garbage I have each week.

I’ll be moving in March 1st.  Since I’ve been here over two years, disability will help me pay for movers.  Susan, my Social Service Worker, wants me to get movers that will pack and unpack my things, but I don’t think I’ll be doing that.  I am definitely going to need help getting stuff off top shelves down, but if I sit and pace myself, I think I can do it.  I do have to start getting rid of stuff soon though.  Thankfully Amanda is taking a lot of it!

On the 26th, Boxing Day, Amanda and I went to spend our gift certificates.  I spent mine at Walmart, on a new memory foam pillow, and some lipstick and mascara.

Anyway, just wanted to update.  I hope you all have a great New Years!

Ash,