More of Me

may12015 006Thank God I am feeling more like myself again.  I was able to go grocery shopping and get lots of veggies, fruits, etc. and already I am starting to feel a little better.  Mentally and physically.

may12015 007A  guy I had bought a nesting doll off of a couple months ago, messaged me last night, to let me know there were two sets for sale at Value Village when he was there.  Thankfully my awesome mom, who knows my obsession with them took me over there.  I only paid $2.99 and $3.99 for them!  Cheapest ones yet hehe.  One is of a golfer, and he is missing the top part of his second piece, but that’s okay, and the other is of a bunny.  I love them :)

may12015 002I was also able to find a coffee table that I actually want now.  More for a love seat, and it’s square, but perfect for me.  Doesn’t have a shelf like I originally wanted, but was only $25 and matches the furniture I have already, so it was a great find.

may12015 003In the short amount of time before, when I was able to eat healthy, I had already lost 8lbs!  So I am excited to see my progress by the time I go back to the dietitian!  I am also interested to see how my Crohn’s is doing since it felt like the Humira wasn’t working for a while there.

may12015 004I got the girl’s cages all done, and Zeus’ litter box, as well as doing two sinks full of dishes.  If I feel well enough tomorrow, I want to test out my little rice cooker, for dinner, and get my cleaner made from my essential oils, etc.

My feet have been KILLING me.  To the point where I want to cry out of frustration, and have to put heating bags on my feet.  It’s the front half of my feet including my toes.  I just don’t get what’s causing it.  It feels like I’m walking about like Barbie lol.  I did find some insoles I might try out next month when I can afford them.  Until then… I deal!

april29 002It was two weeks ago today that I got my blood work done for Lupus, and I haven’t heard back, so I am assuming it isn’t anything that way which is kick ass!  The last thing I need is another diagnosis, and I don’t want to have to go off Humira!  It works with me so well, being able to do it at home myself.

So I need to make another family doctor appointment, to do a new diet form for Disability.  Susan, my counselor thinks I may be able to get more for groceries which would be a HUGE help!

Okay going to jet.  Watching Ghost Adventures with Zeus curled up beside me, kneading his talons into my back lol.

Take Care.

Ash,

PS  I got to play with my PSW’s little hedgehog this past week too!  I had never been around one before, but little Lu Lu was a perfect sweety and so neat!

My Head Hurts…

april25 008I am pretty sure I missed 3/4s of my morning medication and I have one Hell of a head ache for it.  I started to question as to whether I took it or not, and thought I better not just in case I had.  It’s for my depression so my emotions have been ALL OVER the map today lol.  I watched the movie Signs with Mel Gibson and I’ve seen it before, but was just in the mood to see it since it had been so long.  I damn near bawled about 50 million times watching it! LOL.

april25 017I went to the dietitian on Friday morning.  The first time I went to them years ago, I have to be honest, the lady was pretty shitty to me and not very helpful.  About 4 years ago, when I had a Crohn`s relapse and was in the hospital for almost a week, I had another one come to my home, and go through my cupboards with me.  SHE was awesome!  So I didn’t know what to expect this time around.  The woman was great!  I got lost mind you, bc I only know Kingston hospitals well.  This place is confusing as all get out!  It’s like a damn maze!  She gave me tons of options and explained well why she would cut out one thing, but then add another.  I found her very helpful with finding tips for eating for ALL of my illnesses.  She wants to see me in 6 weeks, to see how I am doing on this kind of diet.

april25 009I also went to the dentist on Thursday.  I swore I had a broken tooth or that at the very least, a filling had fallen out, but apparently not!  I got a clean bill of health teeth wise, and my hygienist did a scaling of my teeth and compared them to last year, and they have improved by 45%!!!  That makes me feel sooo good!  I do hate going there still though lol.

april25 013I have been in so much pain lately.  My right foot still looks normal, but hurts so bad and feels, when I bend my toes, like there is swelling/ inflammation.  Now my left foot is starting to hurt too.  My back is killer, my knee always is, and my wrists and fingers even hurt!  I’d blame Fibro for it, but I always know my Fibro is bad, when my elbows hurt.  Don’t ask, but that’s one of my big spots for pain, and they don’t hurt at all.  I know I am emotional from not taking my med.s properly, but this is getting so frustrating, I want to do my curl up in a ball on the carpet and cry thing I do when the pain gets so bad lol.

april25 007So my diet has been going great, except now it’s the end of the month and I have less than $2 to my name, and I have nothing but pure crap to eat in my house, and I’m even running out of that!  I hadn’t touched the Gingerale I had got for nausea, nor the bag of cookies I could have ate in a couple days.  Now I literally have a couple pieces of chicken, lettuce enough for one more meal, a box of Kraft Dinner, cookies, and a can of Scarios.  That’s it until Thursday!  I don’t even have margarine or mustard or coffee for fuck’s sake lol.  I hate being broke!  So my Crohn’s is being put through the ringer bc I can’t eat properly and it was doing so well for a while there!

april25 004It’s not even 9:30pm and I want to just get this finished, give the girls their fresh water (guinea pigs) and then go to bed.  I feel so physically and emotionally spent.

I’m in one of those, “I want my mommy with me!”  moments, but she’s too busy taking care of my sister, to be able to be here for me right now.

I was to have an appointment with the G I this Thursday about my Crohn’s, and whether I should have a scope to see the scar tissue damage, etc.  but my G I keeps changing the date!  So now I don’t know when I’ll get in to see him.  Men!  hehe.

Okay going to jet for now.  I actually have been in a lot better spirits lately, but today has just been a rough one for me all round.

Talk soon!

Ash,

PS  I woke up today feeling like someone punched me in the eye!  Seriously.. it feels like it’s bruising too! LOL.  What am I doing to myself in my sleep???

So Since Last Time…

april11 002Since last time, I called Medigas, and got set up with a CPAP machine.  I feel like I have a giant elephant nose, and I find it weird trying to cough with all the pressure that gets in you.  So last night, I just sat there with my mouth open (I know but sometimes I need amusing here lol) and it was the weirdest cccccaaaaaa noise that came out LOL.  I have noticed more energy I guess during the day, and I haven’t felt the need to nap as much.  Weirdly enough, my restless legs haven’t been as bad either.  Zeus has also decided I am not a monster, and will actually get in bed with me, but won’t go near my face yet lol.

I got a call from the sleep clinic today, and I go in Monday morning to see the doctor about my results.

april11 003Friday, I get the blood work done to find out if I have drug induced Lupus from the Humira.  Lately, it seems as though a lot of people I know with Fibro are being affected by it, so who’s to say it’s not just that?  I can’t stand the pain in my back and feet though!  Annoying!

Then later in the month, I go to the dentist for a cleaning… not looking forward to it bc I am positive my bottom, back left tooth is broke, and I hate freezing and I just don’t want the stress and anxiety I get from going there.  Just NOT in the right head space to deal with it, but I will.

april11 004I also have to go to the dietitian I think on the 27th.  I’ve been eating well since I got the pre diabetes diagnosis.  I need to go grocery shopping though, to get more veggies and meat.  It’s fine with me so far, but today I didn’t eat lunch, and by 4pm I was shaking so bad I had to have a bowl of cereal while I waited for my dinner to cook.    Any other potsy’s have this?  Know of a good recipe site for it, or a book, etc.?

I also have the GI at the end of the month.  It’ll be determined if he wants to do another scope to see if I may need surgery.  Hopefully by then, I’ll know if what the Lupus results are, bc he’d be the one to decide what to do next.

Will update when I know more!

Ash,

New and New

easter12015 015A lot has happened since I last wrote.  I apologize ahead of time if this post makes no sense because I am running on very little sleep!

easter12015 011This past weekend was Easter.  I went to dad and Lois’ for dinner Saturday.  The only people missing were Amanda and my oldest nephew Travis.  I got to spend lots of time with my great nephews, and catch up with my family.  It was fun to run around and help them get Easter eggs too.

easter12015 009Nice side note… later in the day, I found an egg the kids had missed, but I was alone, so I just threw it in my pocket to give to one of them after and totally forgot.  Getting home yesterday, I reached into my pocket to get my keys and they, my gloves and lighter, were smeared in melted chocolate lol.

easter12015 001Sunday, we had dinner at mom and Amanda’s.  It was soo good!  I got to help mom with some of the prep work for the veggies, then had a nap with Amanda in the living room lol.

Tuesday I went to my family doctors.  I do have pre diabetes and have blood work I have to get done on a regular basis for her too.  All good stuff that can be affected by my crohn’s med.s, or pots too, so it’s good to check it out often I suppose.

nicolelily 020I brought up the fact that my vision has been off, and how and where my feet have been hurting, and she’s testing me for Lupus now.  There is a 2% chance of getting it from being on Humira, my Crohn’s Disease medication that I take by pen needle every other week.  My sister sadly was part of that rare 2%.  The fact that she had gotten it, did not raise my chances of getting it, but now my doctor is worried that I am too.  Grrrr.

nicolelily 008I got a call in from the sleep clinic to come in last night.   Hence the little to no sleep.  (To see how a sleep study is done, look for the link I have on it)  I don’t tend to snore now, but I just stop breathing altogether, so I have been diagnosed with Sleep Apnea.  Sickening.  Got home this morning, and washed the gook out of my hair, and Lilliane came by early for me.

nicolelily 003I got a nice shelf, like one my mom used to have, and set up my Matryoshka dolls on it.  I also got my quit smoking aid in the mail this morning.  Starting my quit smoking week tonight!  Wish me luck!

Ash,

PS  I also had a nice visit with Nicole and Adam and Lily.  My God my little puppy is growing into such a gorgeous dog!  Love her!!!

Brain = Fog

plAYMAT 017Just got off the phone with one my grandma’s friends from her apartment building.  I had to help her with a computer question.  Thankfully it was an easy one bc I am better at seeing what I’m doing, then relying on someone who has no idea what’s going on trying to explain it to me.  Now my brain feels dead.

Saw painting done by my dad.

Saw painting done by my dad.

Got lost, but eventually got out to the Fixed Fur Life volunteer Gail, who gets donations, and sells them super cheap, and all of the money goes to Fixed Fur Life.  I got a box full of beautiful clothes for $8, but unfortunately the sizes were all over the map, so only about half I can wear lol.  Oh well, still worth it!

So I got my glucose test done, and already got a call from my family doctor asking to see me.  No rush to get me in right away, but something did show, so I am going back in at the beginning of April.

mar17 007I also went to the sleep clinic.  The first time my family doctor wanted me to go, I just got called in and went and spent the night.  This time, they did a consult with me first with one of the doctors there, and then I got my appointment date to spend the night.  That isn’t booked for May, but they usually call you in when they get an opening and you get in more quickly.

I am on the hunt for a stacking, washer/dryer set.  Looking in stores, the prices are atrocious!  I am getting funding for it though, but I pay it back as I can, so I would like to go used, but it’s hard to get the price, then apply for funding for it, then get it in time before it is sold.

bottles 002Hailey the student and I, went to one of the high rises here and checked out the apartments.  They are beautiful, and have hard wood floors which is a must with my allergies, and a nice view, and come with air conditioners to boot, but I want to be somewhere settled that I can some day have a dog there, and being up in a high rise, will make it harder than it is here for me to get a dog out first thing in the morning.  I would ideally like a place I can just walk out the door and there be a small yard or grassy area.  So undecided about the whole living situation.

I am slowly getting through my old junk again to attempt to sell, then donate what doesn’t to the Diabetes Assoc. like I do.  I would like to find some sort of shelf that I can use to show off my nesting doll sets, but be a skinny shelf… hard to explain.  Again looking for a coffee table too.  I got a nice one, but it looked so old and crappy with my furniture, so I resold it and am now using my laptop table as my coffee table until I find the right one lol.  I am trying to downsize at the same time though bc I have SO much stuff!  I want to go through my closet and craft room, and pack things more efficiently and get rid of the crap I don’t use.

Wish I had the energy to match all of the stuff I want to do lol.

Take Care!

Ash,

Really?

jan26 003

Presents from dad and Lois on their trip

My depression is doing a lot better.  My counselor warned me it might get shook a bit when my mom had her heart attack, but I truly thought bc it was SO bad, that I was having a relapse!  Thankfully not though!  I don’t think this weather helps.  I love Winter, but it is dark and dreary like a lot.

Furminator!  Zeus likes it too!

Furminator! Zeus likes it too!

So I got a call from my family doctor to come in about my blood work.  I swore it would be my B12 bc I hadn’t taken it the month I got it done, but it wasn’t that.  I figured if not that, maybe cholesterol?  I’ve been eating healthy, but frying veggies, and eating salty type stuff more, and since the LDL and HDL were so crazy high yrs back when I first started my beta blocker for POTS, I thought that had to be it… it wasn’t.

feb28 005I have pre diabetes… seriously?  It’s not in my family along my parents.  I do have an aunt, and my mom who have been diagnosed with pre diabetes, but it never amounted to anything.  I never thought this would be an issue for me, bc it’s not in my family, I normally exercise all the time pre POTS freak out, and I have cut my sugar back like CRAZY!

feb28 006To find out for sure, that this is what it is, my family doctor is having me do that fast for 10 hours, then drink this crazy sugary drink in between blood work.  I had it done way back when I found out about the cholesterol (which was perfect by the way… as was my B12) lol.  So I have to get that done again.

jan26 006Yet again I got weepy there, which resulted in the, “Do you think it could be your depression?”  Making me feel so sick and tired I mean.  And I had to answer with the usual, “No… I feel depressed bc I am sick and tired!”  So she wants me to go back and get a sleep study done again.  I’m happy to do it, but I don’t really see the point.  I sleep about 8- hours a night, and get exhausted from trying to do daily tasks, not bc I didn’t get a good nights sleep.

I talked about my options for potentially quitting smoking.  Not a big deal, and may not even happen, but I want to know what my options are and what quit aids I can use together, bc I figure why not have help with this to make it even more likely to happen when I give it a go.

Now I have to just do some pricing of stuff, since not every thing is covered by my drug plan, and make a quit date!  Ever since my mom’s attack, I got thinking about it.  The doctors said it’s bc she’s been smoking for close to 40 years… and I am at 17 years and I’m only 32!  I’ve been smoking longer, than the amount of time I didn’t.  I don’t want to be in my 50’s and having a heart attack due to something I could have controlled.  I want to be around to be an old lady, and with all my illnesses, even though it doesn’t cause symptoms that I notice with them, quitting will definitely be a benefit for them too, and my over all energy and health.  We shall see…

Got my cute guinea pig earrings and necklace.  They look just the way I wanted.  Simple, and not flashy, but still cute :)

Okay, going back to watching The Ghost Adventures and cuddling with Zeus.

Talk to ya later!

Ash,

Where I Go

january15 001My depression has really hit me lately.  Mind you, I have had some genuine stress going on in my life.

I got my fish tank sold to a girl who is just learning the hobby, so it was fun to give her a bunch of starter stuff, and advice.

january15 002My mom sadly, the day after her move had a heart attack.  Talk about mind numbing and not feeling real!  I was in total shock.  She’s doing well and is home now thankfully!  My friend Nicole and her hubby Adam came up and helped me close my mom’s house down from the move.

I got a call from my family doctor regarding my blood work I got done last, and I go in on the 5th to find out what’s up.  I doubt it’s anything since I’ve been waiting a while for the appointment.  Weirdly I hope something that can explain what’s going on will show, so I can finally try something new to get better.  I just keep getting worse it feels like.

Dad came after his trip to the States with Lois.  He brought Amanda and I, our Valentine’s Day flowers, a neat woven iguana and a cute necklace.  I couldn’t keep the flowers though bc he got me the kind I’m allergic to.  Sweet of him though.

My stress level has just been through the roof.  It takes little to nothing to set me off crying and feeling hurt and uncared about.  Thank God for Nicole, my friend mentioned above, bc she always is there understanding why I am feeling the way I do, and taking my mind off it.  All I want to do is sleep and not wake up until all this is over with.  All this sadness.  I just want to lay like a zombie and not think, not talk, not do anything.  With the physical illnesses on the rampage, it’s not making it any easier for me to get things done.  My room is full of clothes that need putting away from me going through what I want hung in the closet, and what I want folded in the dresser.  Just one thing after another, that I simply can’t do.

Other Potsy’s get like this?  I know we have our grieving days, but this isn’t that… it feels like my depression which has been in remission, has actually been shaken to the core.

Will write more when I find out the results from my doctor.

Ash,bb