Hmmm

I’ve been deep in thought the last few weeks. Maybe longer. I have all these amazing things happening for me, and yet I’m sad. I am and I am not. I’m truly appreciating my life and the amazing people in it. I have a lot to be thankful for, and I am, but I get sad still every once in a while, for what seems like no apparent reason.

I’ve got clients lined up for my readings and my reiki, I have a new job as an office administrator from home, which will allow me to get bills paid off and save some money for a change without starving. That’s huge to me. My health is crap, but that’s the way it is this time of year especially. I have so much knowledge and the ability to do that at my disposal and yet here I am w tears in my eyes and I don’t know why.

Everyone has something they would change if they could, but really I’m content. I wish I could get rid of this fear blocking me from my growth spiritually bc it’s beginning to affect other areas of my life, and I don’t want that. I don’t even know what I’m afraid of. Maybe it’s purely bc it’s unknown to a big degree still, despite what I’ve experienced.

I said to a friend maybe my depression is ingrained in me like a habit, but I don’t think it is. I’m a truly silly, happy, giggly, easy going person. More so than most. I let a lot slide off my shoulders when most would lose it. So why the sadness? I also said it feels like I have all these doors opened in front of me and I don’t know which one to go through. Maybe I want to go through them all… and I plan to. Maybe I’m scared of what’s on the other side of it. Who knows.

I’ve lost a lot of people in my life this past year, whom I thought would be in my life forever. Do I regret it? I don’t believe in that. Things happen for a reason, and I don’t just mean fated. I also think that too many people in this world receive, but don’t give back, and that happens to me a lot. They take my laid back approach and end up using me up to the point where one day I just leave and don’t come back. Does it mean I love them any less? No. I’m just too sick to deal with it any more and feel I’ve been given no other choice.

I’m a social person, who needs to recharge. People constantly rely on me for things bc they know I will do it, bc anyone else would charge money, or they don’t have the resources to. I am in that position, so I want to be able to do for others, what they otherwise couldn’t do. I spend all, but maybe 2 of my waking hours doing things for other people bc I love them and I know they appreciate it. I’m tired though. I have been told time and again I need to stop this, but as it is, I have friends I haven’t talked to one on one in ages bc when I do get those 2 hours, I am just too exhausted to give any more. So I’m making it my goal, my intent, and what I will do, to spend more time on me only. The ones who matter will understand, and the ones who don’t will go, and I’m okay w that.

Ash,

Advertisements

Motivated

Please help this family in dire need. If you cannot donate, please share!

https://www.gofundme.com/deperatelyinneed

Feeling way more energized than I have been as of late. Still having a hard time with the dizziness but can do a lot more sitting down at least! Can’t wait for my test results to come back, amd see what they say!

received_101581443961398151979188569.jpegBeen busy doing readings, and going through old stuff and getting rid of it. Feels so good to get rid of unnecessary crap! So much more to go, but looks like I will have my Reiki room up in no time! So excited!

Got my business cards ordered finally for the show in October, and slowly getting this place cleaned up… errr kinda.

Want my place changed up a bit. Not so much stuff, but have more usable items in it as the decor pieces. Actually have a function, other than collecting dust! Selling off a bunch of old books, and got rid of all but my two fav sets of nesting dolls. Can’t part w my newer comics though lol. Ain’t gonna happen!

img_20180719_232634_183416808933.jpgAlso got to go on a fun ghost hunting trip with some local friends.  Can’t wait to go again!

Wanted to check in before the next full moon, since it’s been a while. Hopefully by my next post, I can show off the Reiki room!

Take care!

Ash,

Shiva

36935714_10158100342414815_1921704557348388864_nWent to go to bed early after watching some live music, but ended up staying up talking to a friend giggling our asses off as per usual, and then went into her broadcast for her talk about Shiva.

Not going to pretend I know anything about the Hindu culture, but am interested in learning some more of the mythological stories.  Hearing the mantras after were very moving and had really strong energy.  I plan to do it again or learn some others.  I enjoyed it!

Got my one room half done.  Furniture moved around, now I just need to set up the altar space for where my reiki table is for now, until the craft room furniture gets sold.  Minus Gram’s sewing machine which is on loan.  Then all the reiki stuff will be moved in there.

Got offered to do a party of 6-10 people, and be their tarot reader for the night.  That will be fun!  And been getting daily reads out for people.  Really enjoying it!

Tomorrow or errr today I have my crohn’s infusion, and another test this Saturday, which may explain the fainting not being from dysautonomia at all, but from smoking.  That scares the shit out of me, but glad to get it done and know what I am dealing with.

My Grams celebrated her 89th birthday on the 6th, and my mom’s up on the 16th.  Amanda is finally home from the hospital and surgery after 1.5 months.

I have nothing else to write about, so I am going to end this entry on the story of Shiva I was told tonight, and a picture of how I envisioned him while listening to it.  Happened to be the first Google image I found.

For now… good morning?

Ash,

36954196_10158100342379815_6449942732763824128_n

Keeping Busy

My apartment looks insane right now. Most of my company is as weird as me and likes the kitchen floor too thankfully! It’s a disaser zone in here!

I’ve been busy between the two jobs and doing my weekly YouTube videos. Also have to teach a class tomorrow on reading auras and what they and chakras are, and I have my grandma’s 89th birthday to celebrate this evening!

I’m still tearing everyhing apart and getting it up for sale. Got a ton rid of thankfully and was even given some books and a few oracle decks, which I thought was sweet!

I got a really nice, used reiki table. It’s hanging out in my dining room for now. Chucking everything in my spare room out, to make it my reiki room. Way too much shit in there!

My friend Lyndsey gave me the great idea for a box, where I put all my worries, etc in. I’m going to do this, but then burn them all at each full moon. Let the bastards burn! Lol.

Hope you all had a great Canada and Independence Day this week!

Ash,

Heat = No

If I had the money, I’d be moving to Antarctica right now til this shit is over with. Yay for spending the whole Summer feeling like death!

A lot of amazing things has happened for me, since being approved for disability. I was able to move on my own, and get my depression into a good state. Now it effects me when my physical health does but that’s kind of a normal response. If you’re okay w being sick, then there’s a problem. I’ve been given pretty good dental, etc.

My gripe w the disability system is this… I am more than for parents of children making more money than a home w no children. I truly am, bc kids are expensive, and shouldn’t have to go without period. I do not think it’s fair for those of us who do not have children, to live below the poverty line. I am on disability bc I have physical health problems making it impossible for me to work to live. Now how the fuck am I supposed to live, if my source of income doesn’t give me enough to?

I’ve got two jobs now. One of which is when they need me to do a quick tarot reading, I do it, and I get $5. Cool. I can do that, but it’s not going to make up for what I need to pay bills, eat, and buy my pets food. So I have another job writing two articles a week, $15 an article. Still not enough for me, but way better thankfully, bc now I can eat in a month. Only problem is, Im feeling too sick to do the damn job! Hence why I’m on disability in the first place!

I’m all about putting out positive vibes bc things will work themselves out. I have money, so that’s great! But now I’m spending most of the day in bed sick bc I’m putting all my energy towards work and not getting better. So I either starve, or I have no semblance of a normal life. I could barely handle watching my moms dog yesterday bc I felt so horrible.

I’m having a bad day emotionally. Can you fucking tell? LOL. I’m good and will be fine w all of this once I am getting a regular paycheck. Just for today, I need to bitch and hide in my apartment from the world.

Ash,

Full Moon Spread

Found this cute 5 card spread, amd thought I’d share it wih yas to try. This is what I got:

Self Perception:

Best Qualities:

What You Give to Others:

What Fulfils You:

Unrecognised Potential:

What did you guys get? 🍓 Happy Full Strawberry Moon! 🍓

Ash,