Brain = Fog

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plAYMAT 017Just got off the phone with one my grandma’s friends from her apartment building.  I had to help her with a computer question.  Thankfully it was an easy one bc I am better at seeing what I’m doing, then relying on someone who has no idea what’s going on trying to explain it to me.  Now my brain feels dead.

Saw painting done by my dad.

Saw painting done by my dad.

Got lost, but eventually got out to the Fixed Fur Life volunteer Gail, who gets donations, and sells them super cheap, and all of the money goes to Fixed Fur Life.  I got a box full of beautiful clothes for $8, but unfortunately the sizes were all over the map, so only about half I can wear lol.  Oh well, still worth it!

So I got my glucose test done, and already got a call from my family doctor asking to see me.  No rush to get me in right away, but something did show, so I am going back in at the beginning of April.

mar17 007I also went to the sleep clinic.  The first time my family doctor wanted me to go, I just got called in and went and spent the night.  This time, they did a consult with me first with one of the doctors there, and then I got my appointment date to spend the night.  That isn’t booked for May, but they usually call you in when they get an opening and you get in more quickly.

I am on the hunt for a stacking, washer/dryer set.  Looking in stores, the prices are atrocious!  I am getting funding for it though, but I pay it back as I can, so I would like to go used, but it’s hard to get the price, then apply for funding for it, then get it in time before it is sold.

bottles 002Hailey the student and I, went to one of the high rises here and checked out the apartments.  They are beautiful, and have hard wood floors which is a must with my allergies, and a nice view, and come with air conditioners to boot, but I want to be somewhere settled that I can some day have a dog there, and being up in a high rise, will make it harder than it is here for me to get a dog out first thing in the morning.  I would ideally like a place I can just walk out the door and there be a small yard or grassy area.  So undecided about the whole living situation.

I am slowly getting through my old junk again to attempt to sell, then donate what doesn’t to the Diabetes Assoc. like I do.  I would like to find some sort of shelf that I can use to show off my nesting doll sets, but be a skinny shelf… hard to explain.  Again looking for a coffee table too.  I got a nice one, but it looked so old and crappy with my furniture, so I resold it and am now using my laptop table as my coffee table until I find the right one lol.  I am trying to downsize at the same time though bc I have SO much stuff!  I want to go through my closet and craft room, and pack things more efficiently and get rid of the crap I don’t use.

Wish I had the energy to match all of the stuff I want to do lol.

Take Care!

Ash,

Really?

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jan26 003

Presents from dad and Lois on their trip

My depression is doing a lot better.  My counselor warned me it might get shook a bit when my mom had her heart attack, but I truly thought bc it was SO bad, that I was having a relapse!  Thankfully not though!  I don’t think this weather helps.  I love Winter, but it is dark and dreary like a lot.

Furminator!  Zeus likes it too!

Furminator! Zeus likes it too!

So I got a call from my family doctor to come in about my blood work.  I swore it would be my B12 bc I hadn’t taken it the month I got it done, but it wasn’t that.  I figured if not that, maybe cholesterol?  I’ve been eating healthy, but frying veggies, and eating salty type stuff more, and since the LDL and HDL were so crazy high yrs back when I first started my beta blocker for POTS, I thought that had to be it… it wasn’t.

feb28 005I have pre diabetes… seriously?  It’s not in my family along my parents.  I do have an aunt, and my mom who have been diagnosed with pre diabetes, but it never amounted to anything.  I never thought this would be an issue for me, bc it’s not in my family, I normally exercise all the time pre POTS freak out, and I have cut my sugar back like CRAZY!

feb28 006To find out for sure, that this is what it is, my family doctor is having me do that fast for 10 hours, then drink this crazy sugary drink in between blood work.  I had it done way back when I found out about the cholesterol (which was perfect by the way… as was my B12) lol.  So I have to get that done again.

jan26 006Yet again I got weepy there, which resulted in the, “Do you think it could be your depression?”  Making me feel so sick and tired I mean.  And I had to answer with the usual, “No… I feel depressed bc I am sick and tired!”  So she wants me to go back and get a sleep study done again.  I’m happy to do it, but I don’t really see the point.  I sleep about 8- hours a night, and get exhausted from trying to do daily tasks, not bc I didn’t get a good nights sleep.

I talked about my options for potentially quitting smoking.  Not a big deal, and may not even happen, but I want to know what my options are and what quit aids I can use together, bc I figure why not have help with this to make it even more likely to happen when I give it a go.

Now I have to just do some pricing of stuff, since not every thing is covered by my drug plan, and make a quit date!  Ever since my mom’s attack, I got thinking about it.  The doctors said it’s bc she’s been smoking for close to 40 years… and I am at 17 years and I’m only 32!  I’ve been smoking longer, than the amount of time I didn’t.  I don’t want to be in my 50’s and having a heart attack due to something I could have controlled.  I want to be around to be an old lady, and with all my illnesses, even though it doesn’t cause symptoms that I notice with them, quitting will definitely be a benefit for them too, and my over all energy and health.  We shall see…

Got my cute guinea pig earrings and necklace.  They look just the way I wanted.  Simple, and not flashy, but still cute :)

Okay, going back to watching The Ghost Adventures and cuddling with Zeus.

Talk to ya later!

Ash,

Where I Go

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january15 001My depression has really hit me lately.  Mind you, I have had some genuine stress going on in my life.

I got my fish tank sold to a girl who is just learning the hobby, so it was fun to give her a bunch of starter stuff, and advice.

january15 002My mom sadly, the day after her move had a heart attack.  Talk about mind numbing and not feeling real!  I was in total shock.  She’s doing well and is home now thankfully!  My friend Nicole and her hubby Adam came up and helped me close my mom’s house down from the move.

I got a call from my family doctor regarding my blood work I got done last, and I go in on the 5th to find out what’s up.  I doubt it’s anything since I’ve been waiting a while for the appointment.  Weirdly I hope something that can explain what’s going on will show, so I can finally try something new to get better.  I just keep getting worse it feels like.

Dad came after his trip to the States with Lois.  He brought Amanda and I, our Valentine’s Day flowers, a neat woven iguana and a cute necklace.  I couldn’t keep the flowers though bc he got me the kind I’m allergic to.  Sweet of him though.

My stress level has just been through the roof.  It takes little to nothing to set me off crying and feeling hurt and uncared about.  Thank God for Nicole, my friend mentioned above, bc she always is there understanding why I am feeling the way I do, and taking my mind off it.  All I want to do is sleep and not wake up until all this is over with.  All this sadness.  I just want to lay like a zombie and not think, not talk, not do anything.  With the physical illnesses on the rampage, it’s not making it any easier for me to get things done.  My room is full of clothes that need putting away from me going through what I want hung in the closet, and what I want folded in the dresser.  Just one thing after another, that I simply can’t do.

Other Potsy’s get like this?  I know we have our grieving days, but this isn’t that… it feels like my depression which has been in remission, has actually been shaken to the core.

Will write more when I find out the results from my doctor.

Ash,bb

January 2015

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jan2015 006My family doctor has been doing blood work tests on me, and so far nothing is showing.  My weight keeps going up and down within a 20 lbs range.  I’m getting frustrated and worried the doctors will just give up.  My knee is still messed up!  Not as horrible as it is at first, but it’s NOT getting better, and I can barely walk let alone do exercising!

jan2015 012My John Constantine doll came in to the comic book shop here!  I LOVE it!  He is also going to order me the next graphic novel I need.  I have a list of them all published, and am going through in order of the ones I have, and trying to get the few I’m missing.

jan2015 010I’m done Gone, by James Patterson.  About a man who is in protective custody with his children bc a scary murderer he put away is on the loose.  Well of course the police are no good, so they bring him back to catch the guy while his kids, etc. stay in hiding.  I liked it!

Now I’m reading Gone Girl again.  I really want to see the movie finally, but I want to finally get this book finished up.  it’s hard to know where you’re at in a book on a Kobo, bc it only shows the number of pages in the chapter you are reading, but I’ve got to be around 100 pages in, and it feels like it needs to pick up a bit.

jan2015 009I’ve started trimming the pet’s nails, instead of having my PSW do it, bc it’s important to me that I do it.  I thought Roxy would be the easiest, but she’s been biting and everything else.  Stella, who I thought would be the worst, was the best out of the guinea pigs, and miss Reese babe was good for the most part, but gave me a few warning bites once she had, had enough, but didn’t actually hurt me.

jan2015 004Got my dental work done finally.  It was very painful, and hard on my POTS (adrenalin in freezing).  The other version without the adrenalin was terrible for actually freezing and hurt SO much more.  Just glad it’s over with!

I don’t have any doctor appointments again until the Spring when I go to the G I.

BeFunky_null_14.jpgNicole and Adam came up with their new pup Lilly, whom I adore.  She had made on Vista Print, a beautiful calendar for me, with photos of all my furry babies and family too.  It turned out PERFECT.  I love it!  They came over today too and we got pizza and just relaxed after they had gone on a hike with Lilly near by.

Finally got dad and Lois out for lunch/dinner too.  Dad got seconds, and Lois had me email her the recipe (rolled spinach lasagna) so I’d say it turned out well!  Lol.  I love cooking for people when I’m well enough to!

Talk Soon…ish!

Ash,

PS  Made the decision to finally get rid of the fish tank.  Going to keep my small Beta one, but the big one is just too much work.  Got great homes for them all, and the angel is going to my mom :)

Happy New Year!

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dec2014 019Going way back… my birthday was good!  I turned 32.  I went to the G I in the morning, and got to relax and enjoy a day of doing nothing.  With a nice yummy boiled dinner with my Gram’s awesome, wackie cake!

Nick’s 9th birthday party was fun.  He had two friends over for the night, and got tons of fun gifts.  I got tons of pictures!

dec2014 004I was to go in for an iron infusion, but decided against it.  My Neuro wanted it for me, not bc I have low iron, but bc I have restless legs.  I was cool with that, until I found out, if you have narrowing of the bowel (which I do) that it can cause complications and make it very blocked!  Plus, for some reason, a lot of people getting the infusions, have an anaphalectic (sp?) allergic response to it.  So I decided to talk to my G I about it, the next time I go in to see him before doing them.

dec2014 015Christmas Eve was nice.  Amanda couldn’t come, but Meghan and her husband came with Nick and I.  It was great to see and cuddle my great nephews too.  The oldest was running around chasing Nick… they grow WAY TOO FAST!

dec2014 011Christmas morning, aunt Kelly and grams picked me up, and we went up to mom’s. I was so sick I swore I had the flu, and just laid on the couch with the fan blowing on me until I was well enough to do gifts.  I got a lot of nice things, and everyone seemed happy with the gifts I got them!

dec2014 017Boxing Day was boring at mom’s.  It was just Amanda, Meghan, her husband and I with Nick, until Meghan’s son Liam finally got there.  Then it was more fun to see him open all our gifts for him.

dec2014 006The next night, Amanda and I went to gram’s with mom and had dinner with aunt Kelly before she caught the train home.  We got a bunch of group pictures done.  Nice and silly ones, and I snuck in an african violet, Nicole had given me for grandma.

dec2014 016Since then, I have been crazy run down.  Just getting up to get my coat and shoes on has me huffing and puffing.  I’m so freaking exhausted, and the restless legs will NOT let me sleep.  Then of course my Patella problem I get with my knees hit me.  Why I don`t know, but it`s slowly getting better now thankfully.

dec2014 014I seriously just want to cry lately.  The idea of going to the bathroom to get ready for bed seems truly too much for me.  I`m just so weak and tired feeling, with a lot of pain to boot.  I feel like I can`t get enough rest.  I really hope my family doctor will help me figure this out, when I go to see her this month.

10846188_10154894238555594_8320126893563515067_nNew Years was boring.  I was so sick, so I just stayed at home watching Dead Files,and giving myself the creeps until midnight, and watched the ball drop.

Speaking of New Years, today is my Zeusy`s 13th birthday.  I love my handsome little love.  He has been there with me through SO much!

Talk soon!

Ash,

Calm

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100_0024I’m sorry for the last post, but I was having a sick of being sick day!  I hate crabbing about my illnesses, because I see people around me all of the time who are doing way worse, but sometimes you just need to grieve it out!

100_0017My birthday by the way went very well.  Amanda gave me a beautiful painting my uncle Casey had bought my grandparents.  Not only is it my style of art, that I love, but the fact that he is now gone, makes it even more special to me.  I couldn’t believe she gave it to me.  It means everything.

100_0008We had our big Pauls Family Christmas party the weekend before.  It was nice to get to see that side of the family, since that’s usually the only time I do!  I got to meet my second great nephew Carter for the first time and maul him to death.  He is beautiful and perfect just like Jase.

100_0003This past weekend, we had another dinner at my mom’s place… the one I was freaking out about.  I got my cookies done the next day, and literally slept the rest of it.  My mom made the potatoes for me, and the day of the party, I just made the mac and cheese recipe my step mom makes.

Okay my Grams is here, so I need to bounce.  Will add photos later.

***UPDATE***

Sorry, my Grams came to visit on a whim, and had the phone company out.

The party this past weekend, ended up great!  The only bad part, was my great nephew Jase was sick, so him and Jess could’t come out, and my sister in law, Stacey was working.  Otherwise, it was great to see everyone!

Will write after Christmas!  Take care!

Ash,