November

14971875_10155768924734815_120951597_nWell a lot has changed since I wrote last.  We came into the vets to put Zeus down, and low and behold, my little love had turned himself around!  His blood sugar went back down again.  The vet believes the first antibiotic didn’t work, so we switched, and I’ve been given him two rounds.  He’s on the second round now.

15174586_10155814843344815_1713632207_nHe of course has Diabetes, and has some symptoms, like getting tired out easily, but seems so much better than he did.  More himself now, and sassy.  We shall see what the blood work says when the antibiotic is done, and decide what to do then.  I assume insulin will be the next suggestion.

I was going to foster a bunny through a local tiny animal rescue, but unfortunately with the hay, I won’t be able to bc of my allergies.  BUT I still get to help!  I am going to be fostering a Syrian hamster!  Lol it will be fun.

Did my first big day of training this past Saturday.  Was to go in Sunday too, but I was wasted after the first day, so they are putting me in this Sunday’s class.  I have already passed, but we are going to do practise calls and then live calls and learn the schedule, etc. so I don’t want to miss that either.

This Wed. is infusion day too, so I’m going to be zonked the rest of the week.  I have Anthony coming Thur. to go out for a drive, so that will be nice though.

I have this thing in my knee called, Patellafermeral Disorder (sp?)  which is quite common.  Basically the area that attaches your knee cap to your thigh wears away, and when it gets bad enough, it turns into Bursitis, which basically means inflammation that cannot be brought down easily.  Usually I get it from repetitive standing and bending when I do Spring cleaning, or in the Fall after wearing sandals all Summer, well I’ve been doing everything right, and got it anyway and it went straight to Bursitis, so I’m stuck on Advil, which does NOTHING for the pain.

12247154_10154325707649606_3038622242060818922_nWell last night I decided to set up my Christmas tree, and I went to get up twice from putting decorations on the bottom of the tree, and I cracked my good knee!  So now I can’t squat down to do anything… which is hard when giving your cat medicine twice daily.  So I kind of double over in half for everything, and then for Zeus, I have to just collapse down and recrack my good knee to get back up.  Fun!

This time of year is hard for me.  My uncle Casey passed away just a week before I went into the hospital to be diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease.  Then my uncle Doug passed just after the new year.  It was 14 years ago on Saturday from my diagnosis day.  I went through a lot at that time, like having to drop out of school, etc.  and it took me a long time to get passed everything that happened at that time, bc I was so sick I wasn’t able to deal with any of it at the time.

Will write more soon, but wanted to check in.

Ash,

Two Years Two Months

12495091_10155042300794815_7558376068035675114_nZeus is being put down on Wednesday.  The last of the original babies.  He has been with me two years, two months shy of half of my life.  Almost 15 years.  I cannot imagine a moment without him.

I go to the grocery store, and I miss him lol.  How am I ever going to make it the rest of my life?  I know he’s a cat, and not a child.  I know he is better off than making him suffer.  I would never make a pet of mine suffer, but I love him, and am I going to miss him.  This is going to be the hardest pet I have ever lost.

From his first night in our home, that cat chose me.  He wasn’t even mine yet, but I was his.  And now that he has been mine for so many years, I don’t want to be without him!

I took him in yesterday for his glucose check up at the vets.  He had started to lose weight on his new diabetic diet!  But sadly his glucose went up so high, it would cost me $1000’s to get him back to normal range, if he didn’t pass from it in the mean time.  He would be there for weeks.  So I have made the decision that I can’t, and will not put him through it.

My heart is breaking.

Ash,

 

Knitting Nutty

14900487_10155732491794815_4849447703301427843_nI am watching Batman VS Superman finally.  I like it so far!  I don’t know what’s with all the bad feedback it had.  Now a movie I don’t get, that did so well, was Suicide Squad.  I don’t know the story line going into watching it, and it wasn’t terrible, but definitely boring at times.  Too many characters to get to know in too short of a time.

I got a job!  I am working part time from home, taking Pizza Hut orders.  Weird I know, but that’s what I will be doing to bring in some extra cash for Zeus.  I start the training next weekend, and then from there I start working.  Excited because I definitely need mullah now!

14925273_10155732498159815_4638404628032438704_nZeus is now off his antibiotic and doing better!  He still gets out of breath more easily than usual, but not as much as he was when he went to the vets.  His diet is doing good, and it seems like he is already losing weight!

14956392_10155732493014815_45508834163728681_nI take him in Saturday morning, to get his glucose tested again and see where he is at.  I am sure he will need needles, but thanks to a wonderfully kind friend Lana, who sadly lost her baby cat who had diabetes, she stopped by and dropped off the blood glucose monitoring kit.  Those are crazy expensive!  So it was a huge help, as well as gave me tips on what litter to get (because OMG the amount of litter I am going through is double to triple what I was using) and getting the same needles the vet uses, for cheaper prices.  I am so thankful for her letting me borrow it for my babe❤

14925506_10155732495384815_376663934796816219_nI also started a Diabetes Fund page online for Zeus.  Totally embarrassing to have to do, and if it was for me, I would starve before asking for help, but since it is Zeus, I am willing to beg lol.  I have had a few great friends help in anyways they can.  I’ve also had a great amount of advice and support from others who have had pets with Diabetes.  Very sweet.  Reminds me of how many beautiful, truly good people, I have in my life.  Some not close close friends with, but I am so thankful to have them in my lives, and would do anything to help them back!  Here is the link.  If you cannot donate, I would appreciate it if you could share it for me🙂

https://www.gofundme.com/zeus-diabetes-fund-2wdep7w?r=88497

As you can tell, I obviously won’t be able to afford Christmas this year.  So I am trying to make some usable, cool gifts for my close loved ones.  I am working on a project right now for Nick.  Hopefully he will like it.  Mind you he loves anything homemade and from the heart, but I still want it to turn out perfectly🙂

14671093_10157647539855594_7413007142749380047_nGoing out to see my dad this weekend after taking Zeus for his check up.  It will be my step mom’s birthday, and my dad’s 65th will be soon after.  I want to get out and see them, and take photos of my dad’s rocks and minerals shop, for his facebook page. Having so much fun running it for him!

So last year on Halloween, I ran out of candy by 6:30pm!  So I was ready this year… and got barely any kids lol.  I had all my decorations out and ready, and then never actually put them up!  Oh well.

Grams dressed up for playing Bingo, and she ended up winning the best dressed costume!  So happy for her🙂  She was hilarious, watching her try on all the different wigs.

Okay back to knitting like a crazy person to get these projects done on time.

Ash,

My Love

I have been having a rough go.

I almost lost my dearest Zeus.

Out of no where every time he purred, it sounded like he was congested.  All of a sudden he was getting so exhausted doing the simplest things, that he would need to lay down.  So off to the vet he went.

I would have swore he had congestive heart failure, but nope!  My big boy had Diabetes!  And an infection in his bladder which he is getting antibiotics for.  When I heard the word Diabetes I just started crying.  He will be 15 in less than a couple of months!  I just couldn’t wrap my head around him not being here.

I literally would wake up and start crying right away.  When his brother Bizkit was put down six years ago, a piece of my heart was torn away from me.  I had aided in putting animals down at the clinic I worked at, but it’s nothing compared to when it is a pet you’ve loved yourself.  I was lucky then, because I still had Zeus.

I thought I never wanted to go through that pain I felt ever again, and it is not for a lack of love, but six years more with Zeus, and him being the only pet running around besides the girls (guinea pigs) it was a whole other heart break, that I didn’t think possible to feel.

I got a hold of someone who was able to fully explain that his glucose had to be between 3-8, and Zeus was 17.2!!!  So they got him on the diabetic food WD, and on an antibiotic for the infection, and by the next morning it was down to 16.  Not enough obviously, but enough for that short amount of time, for him to come home to me!

OBVIOUSLY I wanted nothing more than to bring my baby home, and I literally threw my silverware at the drawer when she said I could (was putting away clean dishes)  But I literally felt like a part of my depression cracked.  No other word for it.  I had felt kind of strung along a bit, not knowing what was going on exactly, with his chances for making it, etc. so I had basically been waiting for the call to come in and put him down.  My emotions had been on such a roller coaster that I literally felt like I cracked.

I am still be effected by it all.  I have dealt with a lot during the time my depression had fully reared it’s ugly head, but this was the first time I thought I was going to have a rough go coming back from this.  I took my first Lorazepam in a couple of years!  And I boy did I need it.  I felt fucked bc of it.  I still do.  Like I can’t get my head back to the proper stable way of thinking.

I had been sicker than a dog, with what I assume was the flu.  My heart rate and blood pressure were all messed up as though my beta blocker quit working.  So off the doctors I went, bc I couldn’t get my body to feel better.  So she ordered some tests, the first of which are fine.  Will see what the EKG says.

Unfortunately, my sister has lost her dear Loki (orange and white cat above)  He was only about two years old, and we still don’t know what caused it.  She woke up this morning to find him passed away on the floor.  Mom had seen him during the night too, and went over and gave him a pet too.  I feel so bad for them.  I know Amanda is heart broken with his passing.

Will write soon!

Ash,

POTS In the Fall

13872867_10155437519439815_8317146367640829432_nWow I totally suck at writing!   I have actually been feeling a tad better, so I’ve been doing stuff I’ve been wanting to do like crazy.

My dad got his second hip surgery done, and thankfully he seems to be doing better than he did the last time.  We aren’t having Thanksgiving with the nieces and nephews there though, but I don’t blame them.  Going to try to have them come up at some point between then and Christmas if they can come up.  I miss them terribly.

14445846_10155590006079815_1815995785_nBeen working on knitting projects.  Got some baby soft wash cloths done, and am now working on knitted owl toys.  The first one didn’t turn out, only bc I used too big of needles, so I am redoing the big owl, and making a bunch of owlets.

I am also reading… or attempting to, The Girl On the Train.  It’s coming out as a movie, and looks like it’s going to be a good mystery, so I thought I’d read the book first.  So far so good.

14483903_10155593186374815_1515497981_n-1Really stressed about Christmas this year.  I haven’t been able to buy a present yet.  I literally pay my bills, and get the essentials, and I still don’t have enough for many groceries.  How is a person on Disability supposed to live???

Been working on making things with the stuff I have, that I can sell, but so far no bites.  Maybe I’m not posting them well?  Or they really aren’t that good?  It’s impossible to get your money back knitting bc of the hours it takes to make stuff, but using up my old wool to at least make something from it.  We shall see.

14518222_10155603405479815_533724920_nWent to the Infusion Clinic yesterday.  Feeling so pooped and exhausted, but at least that’s done until the end of November now.

Will try to write soon again.  I am hoping next time I see the Internist, which won’t be for a long time, he’d be willing to up the Florinef bc I am noticing a slight difference at least.  Upping the Midodrine would be good too, but I got the feeling he didn’t want to do that.  We shall see.

Talk soon!

Ash,

For My Family

My cousin’s fiance is very very ill and has been struggling for years.  Her doctors are unable to help her anymore, so she is going for a holistic approach, that had started to help previously, but was and is now unable to afford the cost, due to being on Ontario Disability.

She has a GoFundMe set up to help with the medical costs.  I am asking anyone that can help, please do!  Any amount is helping her get to the amount needed.  If you really can’t help, please share the page, and get the word out there!

https://www.gofundme.com/hollyshopefund

Take Care.

Ash,