Depression Going Crazy!

Hey everyone 🙂

I’ve been having a really hard time with my depression lately.  I’ve been doing really well for over a year, but this past week it has reared its ugly head.

having a rest & being silly

I get really sensitive to how the people closest to me react with me, and instead of getting angry like I used to, I find this time I just break down in tears.  Totally not me at all.  I’m very confidant in who I am, and my relationships, so I’m really worried that my pills are no longer working, or working as well as they were.  I have a horrible problem with resistance to medications, especially nerve pills, so hopefully this isn’t the case, because I have always considered the ones I am on my miracle to my depression!  It took me forever to find one that worked… years!  I don’t want to go through that battle again, let alone after only so little time of peace.  My family has been good about it, but they can’t be here for me because they are all busy doing their own things, which I totally understand, but it’s making it a hundred times harder to deal with, doing it on my own.

One nice news to relate, I had my PSW Marlene come for the first time today. It is totally bizarre to me, to have someone doing stuff for me, especially cooking.  I took a bath while she boiled some potatoes for me and did up a few dishes, and I was totally weirded out by it!  I feel weird enough if my mom comes over to help… but this was just silly lol.  I don’t like telling someone I’m not paying to do something for me.  I know she gets paid, but it’s weird, I’m not her boss, so I don’t feel right about asking her for things.  I’m too damn independent!  lol.  She is really sweet though.  She is from Peru, and is really smart and loves animals.  She is really easy to talk to as well.  I will be seeing her every Wed. and Fri.

My poor counselor has thrown her back out AGAIN.  She has a horrible time with it, so she has been out of work.  I want her to rest and not come back until she is sure she will be fine, but I could really use her this week to talk to about the resistance.  She has a good way of kicking me back to reality because she knows me so well and my depression to know just by looking at me how I am feeling.  She’s a big support to me, and without anyone around, I feel pretty lost.  I hope she is well enough soon.

The M & M Meats Crohn’s and Colitis BBQ went really well even though it was rainy and windy!  There were tent toppers blowing around and everything else hehe.  We were able to go, but I stayed in the car and waited because the line up was soooo long!  Which is awesome 🙂  They even had a rock climbing wall set up!  I was so jealous, I wanted to go!  Something I have always wanted to try he he, so hopefully this time next year I’ll be well enough to give it a go!

If I can figure it out, I’ll post a EDS video.  A girl; Leah, from the 5 Awesome Potsies (link to the left) asked everyone to show how crazy our joints can get.  I’ve never been diagnosed or anything, but I knew I could do a lot of the double jointed stuff, so figured I’d show you my reply to her video… if I can figure it out he he.

Take care everyone 🙂

Ash,

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