Blah Why Am I Breaking?

I know we ALL go through the grieving process of going through physical illnesses, and yes those days blow sometimes worse than the illnesses themselves!  I am thankful I haven’t gone through one of those moments in quite a while.  It’s so draining and overwhelming!  I am however have a bit of a relapse with my depression.  Not so much a relapse, bc I consider that to be sick all over again and needing to be treated for it, but instead more of a set back.  Nothing in particular seems to be the cause of it, and it can leave as quickly as it comes.

I’ve been feeling down and out of it for a while, and when my various aches and wantings to vomit subside long enough to let me, all I do is sleep.  I feel like I just want to sleep until the next thing happens, and wake up long enough for that, and go back to bed again.  I wake up and feel like I’m asking myself, what’s the point?  I have tons I could be doing, but I’m not feeling well enough to do any of it… so I just go back to sleep since I don’t feel like watching tv or playing on the computer all day.

I have no interest in going anywhere when I’m in constant pain, and feel like I’m about to throw up every time I’m sitting up for any long stretch of time.  I talked to my dad a couple times yesterday on the phone and I could barely deal with it.  I constantly feel like I’m on the verge of tears, but nothing comes bc I have no real reason for being upset.  I know it started around the time I found out I was getting help with movers.  Wonderful amazing news, and that night I was so upset I almost took my anti anxiety medicine which I may take only a couple times a year, if that.  It really scared me.  And just when I thought I was feeling better emotionally, it started back up again.

I don’t want to call anyone, or deal with anybody bc it’s such a pain for them to constantly deal with me being upset about being sick, or sick of being depressed lol.  It just never ends!  When your whole life revolves around your health, it’s hard not to be thinking of it, bc you’re constantly aware of what your body is doing, and waiting for the worst of it to start up.  That’s not the right way to live, and it’s not the right way to be pulling other people into my pit.  So I’ve just been doing it on my own this time.

I will write more either later this week or next when I have more to share.  I should be finding out this week an exact date when I will be moving.  I just hope even though there is so little left to pack, that I’ll be able to finish it all.

Until Next Time…

Ash,

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3 thoughts on “Blah Why Am I Breaking?

  1. Honey…I just want to wrap my arms around you and give you the biggest hug I can.I know the way you are feeling.I have been there so m,any times myself.I miss you so very much,and all our silly goofy conversations.I am here with you,by your side,as you get through this.Even though I am not there with you physically,I am with you in spirit,and think about you every single day.Take care,and wrap our friendship around you like a warm cozy blanket….your gonna get through this…Promise ❤ L00P

  2. i know exactly what your going through, not that that helps. when your suffering day in day out, something has to give. ordinary people just dont get it because they are too busy running to the next distraction. so sorry your experiencing this at present. what i find impossible is you just cant do anything but live through it. if you want to email please do, (email is on blog page, sorry foggy head!) please write whatever your feeling. hugs to you.xxxxx

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