Prednisone Nights

All this week has been very emotional for me.  Feeling like a constant burden on my family.  They’ve done nothing to make me feel this way, but I can’t help feeling useless some days.  Where am I supposed to go with a life like this?  I feel like I strive to live and wonder why.  What’s my purpose?

My Gramps asked my grandma the same thing this week.  He lives in a nursing home and doesn’t even know where he is most of the time.  He stays in bed, needs to be bathed, etc.  What kind of life is that?  Obviously I selfishly want my grandpa to always be around, but I know in a small way how he’s feeling.  It feels like there’s no point to any of it.  To live a life, suffering, relying on others.  Period. 

I go to my family doctor later this morning, and then my dad and Lois are coming up to visit me because I have been so down.  Thursday, I am going to look at a place with the housing co-ordinator and then Lilian my PSW is coming.  I still have a lot of things to catch up on, like getting the tooth I broke fixed coming home from Belleville General Hospital, but right now it’s just not in me emotionally or physically.

Susan came by today, my social service worker, and talked to me a lot about how I have been feeling.  She thinks I need to start getting nurses in here daily, and get IV’s of potassium water, to stay hydrated since I’m having a hard time keeping anything into me.  She also wants me to talk to my GP tomorrow about going to a pain management doctor. 

I spend all day long sick and tired.  I used to love when night time would come, bc it would mean I’d have a few hours of not having to be concious to the fact I feel so terrible, but these damn pills are keeping me up all night regretting any food I ate during the day. 

Besides that, I’m doing okay.  Just shakey on my feet, and just waiting as each day goes by to start feeling better bit by bit.  I got back to my crohn’s disease doctors, and the cardiologist on the tenth.  Hopefully I will feel better for the drive by then.

Hope you’re all doing well!

Ash,

Advertisements

One thought on “Prednisone Nights

  1. first off OW!!! on the whole breaking a tooth thing hun. I “kinda” know what that pain is like, coz i’ve got a few teeth that are slowly breaking down (coz i never got my wisdom teeth taken out..so now there’s NO ROOM in my mouth lol)

    Secondly, you shouldn’t have to feel that way hun. I mean that stuff that happened to ya…that shit just happens ya know? And I don’t think you’re being a burden at all. I’m sure if the situation was reversed (god forbid) you would be there doing the exact same for whichever fam member it was.

    I know what you’re going through though. I mean there are times where i just feel i’m a burden to my family, coz i mean i’m 28 and still living at home, and i pulled my back out a few weeks ago and it’s STILL screwed up, so i can’t do things at the full 100% that i used to 😦

    I know you’ve always told me that if i’m feeling depressed, etc. to come to you, be it through e-mail, facebook, whatever…well you know that arm extends to you too hun. You know that even though i’m here in Niagara Falls, you know i’m always there for ya, just a facebook message, e-mail, etc away

    I really care about ya hun, and hope that ya get real better soon and that hopefully this long ass reply that i typed out put even a smile smile on that beautiful face

    *BIG HUGS*

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s