I Am Slowly Going Crazy

pretty flowers from my Grams

pretty flowers from my Grams

I’m a pretty positive person.  I try to look at bad days as only temporary and remind myself that the next day will only get better.  This week is definitely putting that statement for a ride!  Every day I wake up to feeling more and more terrible than I did the day before.  My highlight from today… being able to finally have a damn shower!  Mind you my hair didn’t get washed, but my body isn’t smelly! lol.

I am getting a bunch of cleaning stuff when I go grocery shopping at the end of this week so I can do the big overhaul cleaning of the apartment.  It kills me to do it, but I keep noticing more and more stuff on walls that needs to be wiped down… like black fingerprints on the door from when I do crossword books LOL.  I think the only reason I feel antsy to do it though, is bc I don’t feel well enough to actually do it!  That or I’d feel like I’m turning into the female version of my dad who’d follow you around with a broom and paper towel just in case any dirt came off you lol.  Jk jk!

Zeus misbehaving!

Zeus misbehaving!

My goal, since I will be impatient as shit during April to want to garden, was to save the big cleaning until then.  So it would keep me busy and keep my hands out of the plants, but depending on how I feel, I might start early.

I am also thinking of chopping off a big chunk of my hair.  Canada won’t take my hair for cancer patients bc it’s dyed.  The States accepts dyed hair, but not out of the country hair… so this growing has been for a waste!  When I wash my hair, it takes me a good twenty minutes or more to brush it after.  I have to go through sections in order to keep my brush from being sucked into the rats nest… and since I break brushes on a regular basis, I think it would be nice for a change.

one of the scarves to sell

one of the scarves to sell

I keep getting these headaches in my eyes that I used to get when I was on Effexor.  I only ever got it, when I was late or missed a dose.  So the other day I woke up really early, so I didn’t take my new medicine early, and waited… aka forgot.  Today I wake up crazy early again and the same thing!  Went to take my nightly med.s and realized I totally forgot to take the morning one again!

My stomach is acting like I have been drinking coffee on an empty stomach times a hundred.  I can’t wait to get the testing done on the 13th of this month so I can finally get something done about this pain… hopefully!

My landlord came by today and got my tax info. for me.  He’s so nice to do mine for free!  And my counselor Susan came over too for a bit to catch up.  Was a much needed session (now realizing bc I missed my damn med.s No wonder I’m so loopy)

I feel at any moment I’m either going to burst into tears for no reason, or start laughing uncontrollably… I really need to take my med.s tomorrow morning lol.



5 thoughts on “I Am Slowly Going Crazy

  1. So sorry to hear you’re feeling so terrible lately. I hear you on the shower thing, Mom and I were just discussing how difficult the flu is for that; I said how happy I am that I never took down the handles/rails that were put in by the elderly lady who lived here before us. Having those things comes in handy!

    Funny how that happens, when we don’t have the energy to do something (especially cleaning) it suddenly feels more dire that we get it done. Maybe it’s a fear of getting worse and being unable to do it at all. When I read your post awhile ago about keeping things minimalist and being anti-hoarder you made me think I REALLY need to start attacking this place, but I can barely keep it clean as is. I fear you visiting now, lol, you’ll be horrified :p

    Good thought on keeping yourself busy through April to avoid poking at plants. You ever think anymore about raised beds? I STILL haven’t gotten to my Winter-sowing, eek! I bet with thick hair like ours that you’ll feel SO much better after getting it chopped. It will likely help with the headaches a bit, and also coming into Spring it’ll make the warm weather nicer too! I HATE mine short, but it DOES help with the headaches and heat and tangled mess that it always is. I’m just mental and keep it long for spite I guess.

    Seems like you’re always waiting for tests, and never hearing any results. Any word on the last bunch of tests they ran? I really hope they give you some relief soon.

    Hopefully you start feeling much better soon! ❤


    • The last tests were blood work and if I didn’t hear anything, that was supposed to be a good sign! Woot! And NO WORRIES about your home! Lol I don’t notice anything but animals when I’m at other people’s places, I’m only super picky about my own. I simply think it’s one of those.. I can’t so I want to things.. so if I could, I probably wouldn’t want to both lol. And good thinking with the hair cut… I totally forgot about all that weight causing headaches!


  2. My wonderful Ash, I just love reading about your life. 🙂
    I only wish that I had maybe 1/4 of the thickness of your hair! Mine is stringy, fine and ultra static. Nothing will stay in it and I hate having it so freaking short! ::think growing thoughts::
    I am very sorry about this pain. :/ I think that we’ve all encountered the lack of answers, the multiple needle pricks and the constant doctor sighs. 😦
    I see that your current flowers are still doing well and haven’t been pounced yet! That’s a good sign, right?


    • I truly believe when it comes to hair… we want what we don’t have lol. I am constantly thinning mine out at the hairdressers, and they bitch about trying to brush it after they do a wash their, yet everyone I know with thin hair, wishes they had this rats nest… while I want their nice hair! hehe. And yes 🙂 flowers are safe and sound on the counter hehe. *hugs*


      • I don’t want your hair lol just thick enough that I don’t have bald spots and it will actually hold something lol 🙂
        Maybe all kitties are going psychotic this week. Mine certainly is,


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