What Is It???

july1st 002I’m having a hard time.  I’m trying to become a more assertive person, not passive, but certainly not aggressive.  I’m also trying to learn how to ask for help.  My problem with this is… it’s not me!  I don’t want to come across like I am using the people I care about, by asking for too much, but yet, I am so damn stubborn about it, I come across like I don’t want the person period, which is not the case.

One of my hardships with this as well, is I am so worried about becoming too deconditioned.  When my health blew up in my face after college, I was fighting just to get up and make a meal, let alone anything substantial around the house.  I want to push myself to the point where I don’t get weaker… but then also not push myself so much that I make myself sick from over doing it.

july1st 004My counselor Susan was amazing today explaining it to me.  Think, “Does doing this (or not doing this) hinder my health?”  And then do what is overall better for me.  It’s going to be very hard to do that.  I bawled lots.  When it came to me not wanting to become too weak, she said just to take more advantage of the resources I have on the days I have them.  Like with my PSW Lilian and my Peer Worker Holly.  That’s  only two days of the week.  I know I am bad for not having them do more.  If I feel too sick to go out as well, have Holly go and get what I need, not just have nothing done like I would normally do.

So I went to the dentist for my cleaning yesterday.  It was VERY rough bc I was NOT feeling well.  I got through it though, and feel better for having done it.

laptop 004I dog sat Niles today.  I love spending time with my mom’s pup.  He’s too funny, and really good with Zeus.  OMG I could NOT have a dog still for sure.  Any time I went outside, I took him with me to prevent any accidents from him being territorial being away from home.  No messes!  He also flirted and cuddled lots with Susan.  I feel wrecked from it and it was nothing!

laptop 009I was supposed to watch him tomorrow as well for mom, bc she has a showing at her house, and they might not have been home in time from Kingston, but she thinks she will be, and said not to worry about it.  Yet again I feel bad… what do you do?

Friday my Grams moves.  I am going to her new apartment with her, to sit on the floor and do what unpacking I can.  I think this is going to be killer for me, but these people bend over backwards for me, and I’m supposed to just bail on her?  It would only be my mom and her then.  Damn illnesses.


PS Next week I go for my check up with the G I.  Interested to see what he’ll do.


Keeps Fighting Me

july2514 001Caryn’s shower was nice 🙂  I had a good time, and won some wall sconces to boot lol.  She looks good, and looks like the baby wants to come, possibly a little earlier!  She got lots of nice stuff, and usable things too.  Also got to see her mom Stacy whom I adore, Lois (my step mom) and Caryn’s older sister Jess and my great nephew Jase.  Nick came with us and had a good time too.

I went to get my blood work last week.  I was thinking, now that the Humira is doing it’s thing (not quickly enough though!)  that I should get the blood work done, so that when I went to my G.I. at the beginning of August, then he could see how my inflammation was reacting to it… I get there, and whomever made my card for the blood work clinic, they wrote a bunch of stuff that didn’t make sense to the girls working, and wrote the wrong date on it.  In the end, it had literally just ran out, so I couldn’t get it done.  Grrrr.

july20 001I had mom and grams over for dinner yesterday.  They wanted home made mac and cheese and tortilla pinwheels lol.  It was not quite what I would have chosen to cook, but it worked.

On mom’s birthday only one part out of four gifts I had gotten her, had come in.  Now three out of the four have, so I gave her it wrapped last night when they were here.

july20 005This coming week, I go to the dentist to get my teeth cleaned, and my only goal is to get into the shower between now and then… and do my laundry (boo)

I feel like I’m living the whole saying of, “One step forward, two steps back.”  I am fighting sooo ungodly hard to get things (normal daily things) done, and I am still far behind.  I’m just so tired of not being able to do things!

Gave myself my Humira needle today.  First time on my own, without anyone wanting to be there, and it went just fine.  I’m just tired from it.

Talk soon!


I Think Possibly It’s Working…

june30 039I got my 6 week Humira shot on Thursday.  I talked to my counselor Susan about my worries with it not working yet.  If anything, my Crohn’s was getting significantly worse.  Which sucks too bc Humira is a lot easier to do when you can just give it to yourself at home.  Knock on wood, since my last shot, well yesterday, it seems I feel like I am feeling a little better.  I am hoping it just keeps getting better from here on out.

On Wed. afternoon, Nikki and I went to the OSPCA Belleville branch.  We got to cuddle with cats and dogs.  It was fun, and much needed.

She dropped me off at my mom’s later that afternoon to have dinner bc my aunt Kelly is down visiting from Toronto.  I was so groggy, but even though it probably didn’t look like it, I had a good time lol.

Friday, I went out with my peer worker Holly and then Amanda, Nick, aunt Kelly and I went to Giant Tiger and went shopping.  I wasn’t feeling well enough to try a lot on, but I ended up getting two shirts.  I would like to get some shorts though.  Then Amanda, Nick and I, went to the Salvation Army, and I found the book, The Help for .50 cents.

Today I stayed home.  I didn’t get everything I wanted to do done, but I wasn’t really expecting to.  I got the Beta and the 35 gal. tanks clean… and brushed all the girls.  Even fell asleep with Stella napping on my chest lol.  I was sooo tired!  Made a mini spinach lasagna for dinner.

Next weekend is my youngest niece; Caryn’s, baby shower.  I need to get some wrapping paper for her gifts and a bow.

This Wednesday is mom’s 60th birthday too.  I had 3 other mini gifts to give her with her main one, but I don’t think they will be shipped in time.

Thursday is blood work day, and next Monday, I go to the dentist for my cleaning.  Hoping to go to the dog park with Nikki, and maybe go back to Giant Tiger with her.

Talk soon!



ashIMG_3242I have been saving two garbage bags full of clothes I had when I was super skinny.  They are great clothes and would still be worn if I could fit my fat ass in them, but alas that probably won’t ever happen again.  So I am going through the bags, taking photos, and making piles and sorting out the odd thing that should just be donated, and the rest I am going to try to sell off really cheap.

ashIMG_3240I am excited bc I was able to get a portable air conditioner from an old neighbor Kerry.  I got to meet her little baby Logan too, who is such a ham, and crawled right into my arms 🙂

ashIMG_3235So I’m sorting through all my crap in my closet, and making boxes of sellable items, and things I want to try to sell first, and then organizing the bit I want to keep, like seasonable items.  I love purging my stuff!  Weird I know, but it makes me feel better, and now I have waaay too much stuff.

Tomorrow is my Gram’s 85th birthday!  I got her, her present all wrapped, and going to go up to my sister’s so we can all have cake with her.

june30 040I’m now on week 5 of being on Humira, and still no change… I got an e-mail from Progress, the company who gives me the medicine, about how I am doing so far on it, and my symptoms are all worse… so hopefully by the time I see my GI at the beginning of August, there will be more of an improvement.  Otherwise I have to go on Remicade where I have to go to the hospital to get it, and if that doesn’t work… then I have to go on trial medications… which is scary, and means I have to go to Kingston again.  BOO.  Just trying to stay positive about it, and not think too much about the possible future.

Hope you all had a wonderful Canada Day.  I just relaxed all day, and I enjoyed it 🙂



PS The first three photos in this post were taken from my friend Nicole.  She always takes wonderful pet photos for me 🙂