What Is It???

july1st 002I’m having a hard time.  I’m trying to become a more assertive person, not passive, but certainly not aggressive.  I’m also trying to learn how to ask for help.  My problem with this is… it’s not me!  I don’t want to come across like I am using the people I care about, by asking for too much, but yet, I am so damn stubborn about it, I come across like I don’t want the person period, which is not the case.

One of my hardships with this as well, is I am so worried about becoming too deconditioned.  When my health blew up in my face after college, I was fighting just to get up and make a meal, let alone anything substantial around the house.  I want to push myself to the point where I don’t get weaker… but then also not push myself so much that I make myself sick from over doing it.

july1st 004My counselor Susan was amazing today explaining it to me.  Think, “Does doing this (or not doing this) hinder my health?”  And then do what is overall better for me.  It’s going to be very hard to do that.  I bawled lots.  When it came to me not wanting to become too weak, she said just to take more advantage of the resources I have on the days I have them.  Like with my PSW Lilian and my Peer Worker Holly.  That’s  only two days of the week.  I know I am bad for not having them do more.  If I feel too sick to go out as well, have Holly go and get what I need, not just have nothing done like I would normally do.

So I went to the dentist for my cleaning yesterday.  It was VERY rough bc I was NOT feeling well.  I got through it though, and feel better for having done it.

laptop 004I dog sat Niles today.  I love spending time with my mom’s pup.  He’s too funny, and really good with Zeus.  OMG I could NOT have a dog still for sure.  Any time I went outside, I took him with me to prevent any accidents from him being territorial being away from home.  No messes!  He also flirted and cuddled lots with Susan.  I feel wrecked from it and it was nothing!

laptop 009I was supposed to watch him tomorrow as well for mom, bc she has a showing at her house, and they might not have been home in time from Kingston, but she thinks she will be, and said not to worry about it.  Yet again I feel bad… what do you do?

Friday my Grams moves.  I am going to her new apartment with her, to sit on the floor and do what unpacking I can.  I think this is going to be killer for me, but these people bend over backwards for me, and I’m supposed to just bail on her?  It would only be my mom and her then.  Damn illnesses.

Ash,

PS Next week I go for my check up with the G I.  Interested to see what he’ll do.

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2 thoughts on “What Is It???

  1. I think if we were incapacitated, lying in bed, then others could see we are ill, but because of the invisible aspect then peeps just cant see the amount of illness we go through.

    could you write some small lists for your helpers when you are unable to go out? maybe say to them you feel uncomfortable about asking. its a toughy. small changes, will eventually lead to big changes though.

    when you help your grams to move, could you make the tea or coffee for them? even you being present shows you are trying even with your health limitations. im sure they know how ill you are, and being there is enough.

    my dad has started a walk for eds this week ( ive got eds and pots) the first day was awful for me, the heat was too much, since then ive been in bed. I feel so bad, because I was going to attend each day to encourage him on (its a 9 day walk) so I know where you coming from.

    good luck with the g.i appointment. emma x

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