Where I Go

january15 001My depression has really hit me lately.  Mind you, I have had some genuine stress going on in my life.

I got my fish tank sold to a girl who is just learning the hobby, so it was fun to give her a bunch of starter stuff, and advice.

january15 002My mom sadly, the day after her move had a heart attack.  Talk about mind numbing and not feeling real!  I was in total shock.  She’s doing well and is home now thankfully!  My friend Nicole and her hubby Adam came up and helped me close my mom’s house down from the move.

I got a call from my family doctor regarding my blood work I got done last, and I go in on the 5th to find out what’s up.  I doubt it’s anything since I’ve been waiting a while for the appointment.  Weirdly I hope something that can explain what’s going on will show, so I can finally try something new to get better.  I just keep getting worse it feels like.

Dad came after his trip to the States with Lois.  He brought Amanda and I, our Valentine’s Day flowers, a neat woven iguana and a cute necklace.  I couldn’t keep the flowers though bc he got me the kind I’m allergic to.  Sweet of him though.

My stress level has just been through the roof.  It takes little to nothing to set me off crying and feeling hurt and uncared about.  Thank God for Nicole, my friend mentioned above, bc she always is there understanding why I am feeling the way I do, and taking my mind off it.  All I want to do is sleep and not wake up until all this is over with.  All this sadness.  I just want to lay like a zombie and not think, not talk, not do anything.  With the physical illnesses on the rampage, it’s not making it any easier for me to get things done.  My room is full of clothes that need putting away from me going through what I want hung in the closet, and what I want folded in the dresser.  Just one thing after another, that I simply can’t do.

Other Potsy’s get like this?  I know we have our grieving days, but this isn’t that… it feels like my depression which has been in remission, has actually been shaken to the core.

Will write more when I find out the results from my doctor.

Ash,bb