Purely A Rant

I have so much stress right now.  I need to be able to unload.  After almost a full week, I finally realized, this is the place!

12968188_10156771837540594_2363002437778985951_oMy one guinea pig, Reese, is dying.  She has tumours on her one leg and one on her lower right breast, which is a common spot.  I was told, the best thing I can do is keep her comfortable and happy.  I noticed last Monday she wasn’t the same.  She was actually in her house… which she normally flips over bc it’s in her way.  I had just bought her a big log to put in to play with to replace the house with, and I found her Monday not coming out.  Tuesday I had her out for loving and she killed my allergies as per usual, but she wasn’t eating or drinking enough for me to see it in her food bowl, and her carrots were still there from the night before.

12495091_10155042300794815_7558376068035675114_n.jpgWed. my PSW came over, and I had her hold her, while I was cleaning her cage, to give her love, and my allergies a rest, and she found the lumps that were not there the day before.  I called the vet who does deal with them, and said bc of her age, and the tumours, that there wasn’t a lot they could do, that would be fair to her.  So I am still giving her fresh water and kibble, and veggies at night and hay to get her appetite up a bit, and she comes out wanting it, but never finishes it.  I have been crying every day since Wed. when I unloaded my tears the first time on my psw.

I feel like realistically I am doing right by her, and she has had a spoiled awesome life with me, and her previous owners, but I can’t help but feel like a horrible owner bc I can’t fix this.  I want to so badly, and I can’t.  I’m stuck.  All I want to do is hold her and bawl the whole time.  I even cried myself to sleep for a couple of hours holding her the other day.  I hate this.

1958242_10155042299454815_3314172254791598971_n.jpgI have an appointment with an Internist next Wed. morning.  I am excited to see what they will come up with, since no doctor has any idea what to do for me any more.  I am worried they will say the same thing, and I will be lost and left to basically rot.  I can’t keep doing this sick thing.  Obviously I am not going to give up, but this is where I am yet again just sick of being sick.  Sick of no one who can help me, understanding just how sick I am, or doing anything about it.  This is my life at stake.  I have to have some quality to it.  I know my health could be life threatening, or being bed or wheel chair bound, but that doesn’t mean this life is easy.  It’s really damn hard fighting all the time, every day.

I am also going to get an ultrasound done on my breasts, since I have had a lump under my arm for a few months now and never did anything about it.  Yes this is new news, bc I have chosen not to stress anyone out about it.  I am sure it is fine, but does need to be checked, so I will be calling for an appointment this week to do that.

12931226_10155042298914815_5066050185702400832_n.jpgI don’t know if I had mentioned yet on here, but I had a topical allergic reaction to my Crohn’s needle, Humira.  I broke out in hives.  I called my G I in a panic thinking I had to go off it, and all the crap that comes with it, but he said just to take a Bendryl before I give myself the needle, and it’s common, lots of patients do this.  Great!  Okay!  So this past Thursday came around, and my mom stopped by to be here “just in case” when I took it.  Everything went well!  No hives!  The next day, I was on the phone with my best friend and I noticed my stomach was itchy.  Full blown hives over my stomach around the injection site again!  So I panicked on her, took a Reactine, and put Cordisone cream on it, and it finally went down.  Then again yesterday I had a couple spots, but nothing that amounted to anything.  So yet again, I will be calling the G I about it.  Grrrr!

I am also to take Benadryl every night before bed.  I am only sleeping a couple of hours at a time, and randomly falling asleep sitting up, etc.  So it’s to help me sleep, for now.  Nothing!  The first time I took it, I couldn’t stay awake, and now like all med.s with me… nothing.  It doesn’t make me feel at all tired!  WTF???

So this is my rant.  I am sure there is more, but that is the worst of what I am feeling.  I needed to get it out, and sorry if I caused stress, worry or panic on anyone reading this.  I am trying to get better.  I am trying to stay sane, which is hard when life is throwing actual stressful situations at you, but I am doing the best I can right now.  Any nit picky advice is not wanted or appreciated.  I just want support so I don’t feel so alone all the time.

Ash,

 

 

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