I think unless you are Buddha, you’re going to have walls up. Defenses so deep, we don’t even know we have. I always say fighting my depression, was way worse than any physical crap I’ve had to undergo, bc it’s all encompassing. The brain, and how it buries memories, suppresses them, builds up walls we don’t intentionally mean to have, is absolutely fascinating to me!
In college in Psychlogy, you learn just how far others will go to fit in amongst the crowd, or do things you wouldn’t feel comfortable doing bc of morals, simply bc a person in an authority stance, told you to.
There was this one video we watched. Everyone was an actor except, the one in the room w the person running the study. In one room, a person was attached to wires, which was then controlled in another room by the subject and the experimenter. The person running this, would tell the man to press the button to shock the person in the other room. As each time they did it, the shock would be stronger, and they would hear he person in the other room yell out in pain. Unbeknownst to the person doing the shocking, it was all a test to see how far someone would go against their better judgement, purely bc a person in authority told them to. If I recall correctly, out of every one that did the shocking, only one quit and said no. Only one.
We’ve all done it. Most likely not to that extreme… but doesn’t this just prove how… pathetic we all are? That the majority of us claim to not care what people think of us, yet when about to go in public, quickly check our hair, etc.
We build these walls to protect ourselves, and then end up missing out on amazing life opportunities. We could be living life to the fullest, actually fulfilling our dreams… but instead we focus on the ones that we are least afraid of. Mastering our skills, losing weight, getting a specific job. These are all commendable things to aspire to, and I am as well doing the same, but what about working on breaking down barriers, getting rid of baggage that shields our hearts from fully loving and trusting one another? How about the inside stuff, that hurts, that make us too scared to take a leap of faith? To do something absolutely crazy and inspiring?
I’m scared of lots of things. I’m afraid I won’t be good enough, or be respected when even I know I love who I am, and am passionate about my wants for the future. Not dreams… but things that will be a reality for me. I freak out, step back a few paces. The difference is, I’m not going to sit on the side lines too afraid bc so and so bullied me, or cheated on me, or bc I got sick.
Im going to get scared, step back a few paces, and then run head first and jump in with all my heart.
Now who’s really going to jump with me?